If You Have To Get Consent, You Aren't Really In Charge
Jeff Mach21 Aug 2016
There are plenty of people out there who have no idea that the kink world even has systems for creating and devising consent - all they have is that basic fantasy - "I become someone's total slave and they do these cool things and I love it" - because that's what we hear in some literature and some porn.
...yes, someone said that last night, in reply to one of my posts. And it's true: you aren't really in charge in the sense of "I can do anything I want without regards to the other person's desires in any way".
But in that same sense, I'm not really in charge of this computer I'm using. I'm being forced to input data using a keyboard and a mouse, when I want to be using my penis! Why does the computer industry FORCE me to do things that I don't WANT to do? If I want to be able to slap a data port with my genitals, then the tech industry should damn well figure out how to get that to transcribe my words!
I am not in control of my diet, either. Yesterday, I ate a pork chop and I had to cook it first. I didn't WANT to. But some sort of PC Thought Police invented Trichinella spiralis, and every time I want to eat raw pork, I get threatened with Trichinosis. Don't they know I'm a True Dominant who deserves control?
I can't control this kinky social networking site! It's SUCH an insult to my dominance that there are people here who disagree with me! John Baku, I demand you remove everyone who doesn't think the way I do! I have the right to total control!
To the "dominant" who really, really said:
“If you have to get consent. Whos really in charge?....... When i talk to slaves i tell them before they come over what to expect and they have no rights whatsoever in my domain....if they dont like what they hear then they shouldn't come over.”
Thatis, at least, some kind of consent negotiation. It's just a very, very shitty consent negotiation. Unless you have very, very long discussions with people before they enter "your domain", and unless you've known them a good while, and even then, the dangers are enormous. There are plenty of people out there who have no idea that the kink world even has systems for creating and devising consent - all they have is that basic fantasy - "I become someone's total slave and they do these cool things and I love it" - because that's what we hear in some literature and some porn.
(And we should have some of our literature and fantasy be that simple. As a fantasy, it's fucking hot, just like it's awesome that Batman is brave and smart and athletic and a master strategist who fights a war on crime because his parents were murdered. That is an amazing dream world. But if it were real life, we wouldn't be going around saying, "Yay, we live in a world that has Batman in it", we'd be saying, "Well, is today the day I die from venomous Joker gas while I'm at the mall?")
Likewise, Mr. Being At My Place Means You Consent, you have a fantasy that you're a dominant. But in reality, creating real, enthusiasitc consent and then using that consent to take people on incredible journeys of power and experience is a brilliant fucking art form, and it is beautiful and powerful beyond measure. Skipping all those things doesn't make you a real dominant. It makes you a weakling who needs to live in a dangerous, unreal, sick, unhealthy world where you control things, not through skill or knowledge or negotiation or mutual respect, but through - if you can find anyone - preying on the vulnerable and ignorant.
I'm going to do my part to make sure that there's a little less vulnerability and a little less ignorance about consent, and it will be my personal joy, two or three years from now, to hear that you've left the scene and the reason your location on a certain Kinky Social Networking site says "Antarctica" is because you've actually moved there.