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Would I be open about BDSM if it were socially acceptable?

J.Walker

08 Sep 2014

Someone asked whether we would be open about BDSM "if it were legal".
Well... it isn't just a matter of legality, also of social acceptance.
But if BDSM was entirely legal and socially acceptable, if being open about it carried no social consequences, hell yes! I would definitely be open about it.
The truth is, BDSM rocked my world. It rests on paradigms that are so different from those that structure so called "classic" relationships that once you open those doors, ask those questions, there's no way you can ever see relationships in the same way.

Rapports of power structure every relationship. And yet, there is no way to talk about them in a vanilla context. But BDSM lifted the veil. And we speak about those things. We look at them in our relationships and dare to choose our roles instead of waiting for life, confrontations and exhaustion to choose them for us. So yes, I would talk about it.

I have to admit that I'm socially pretty inadequate: I can't stand small talk. I love to discuss things that matter to people. So I often jump in all the forbidden subjects: politics, sex, religion...
And I would love to bring BDSM issues up. To share my experiences with friends, maybe realise that some aren't as vanilla as I thought and that they also have things to share. To let them know what makes me happy. I do wonder, often, what they would think about it. Once the initial shock is overcome. When they start to perceive the pertinence of the argument.
But I can't. And it sucks, and it's a pity for everyone. Because some might discover kink 20 years later... some never.
Although it might have made them happy too. And they probably have loads of things to teach me too. And I'll never know.
So it's as simple as that: BDSM is not just about sex. It is also about how we structure our relationships. Which is something extremely important in our lives. There is nothing shameful, dirty or embarrassing about it. It is the stuff everyday talks are made of.

And this is why I sincerely hope it comes into the open before I die. Because this closet is dusty, airless and stupid.
I know... a few kinksters love this closet. "It's warm and private, its cosy, it protects the precioussss" :) They're so scared of what would happen if we opened those doors.
But well, as much as I respect their fears... I'm getting out of here. Or I'll die trying.