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The BDSM workshop by Kinky collective and LABIA

VK

07 Aug 2016

Date: 29th May’2016

Venue: Mumbai

List of Attendees From Kinky Collective

  • TS
  • JW
  • Sig
  • DG
  • VK

The event started with DG giving a brief introduction about Kinky Collective and the activities that the group is involved in, along with the ways to find and follow the Kinky Collective Blog, FB page and the twitter handle. After this all the Members of the Kinky Collective present there introduced themselves.

Post the introductions of the KC members, other people present in the room, introduced themselves. They also talked about their expectations from the workshop. Some of the most common expectations were:

  • To learn about kinky lifestyle out of curiosity
  • To understand issues around consent in Kink
  • To converse with people from the kink community
  • To learn from the kink community as queer activists
  • To watch and learn something from the demo (Rope work etc.)

After this, the film “Jumpcut” was played and the people were asked to discuss about their reactions. Some of the reactions were:

  • Some were Confused about the movie
  • The movie was aesthetically beautiful
  • The comparison between the mental and physical interpretation of bondage/pain/kink was beautifully showcased

JW beautifully introduced the concept of consent, while discussing about the Movie “Jumpcut” and from here, started a long discussion about consent and various other aspects of Kink.

The discussion about consent was initiated by JW by emphasizing on the importance of negotiating consent. While he talked about his way of negotiating consent with his partners through long conversations and with the use of a long excel file, TS talked about how she finds the excel file as a boring way to negotiate consent. TS pointed out that spontaneity can be a big turn on and long conversations tend to be a turn off. At the same time Sig talked about his way of negotiating consent which was a middle ground between the JW’s way and the TS’s way. Other key points discussed were:

  • Some common terms like Hard limits, soft limits, Sub space, Dom Space, Safe word, Safe-gesture etc, were discussed
  • Importance of safe word/gesture : safe word is extremely sacrosanct
  • Importance of after-care ( to take care of the Sub-drop or the dom-drop )
  • How edge play can be used to expand limits
  • Consent among swingers was also discussed ( individual consent of each and every person involved in the group play is extremely important)
  • Discussions about withdrawal of consent also took place.

Then the team dispersed for a lunch break.

One interesting point brought up by a participant during lunch break, was about BDSM being discussed too intensely always. There is a need to introduce humor in our writings and discussions. We realized that we are so caught up in discussing issues that we forget that humor sometimes diffuses tensions and helps us put across a point more forcefully. The after lunch session began with a display of different toys. All individuals present were particularly curious and excited to see and learn about the toys. Few of the toys that were displayed were:

  • Flogger
  • Ball Gag
  • Ring Gag
  • Ropes
  • Leather hood
  • Wartenberg Wheel
  • Butt plug
  • Prostrate massager

A brief explanation about how the various toys are used was given. The people present there also discussed how different domestic goods like clothes pin, “nada”, plastic-broom etc can also be used as Gharelu - BDSM toys After this there was a live flogging demonstration. The poor/fortunate souls who got flogged were DG and Sig and the people at the other end of the flogger were JW and TS. Some of the things that were explained were technicalities of flogging, the safety concerns that one needs to be aware of, the areas of the body where to hit, power dynamics of flogging etc. Though almost all of the other people present in the room were scared to try their hand at flogging but all of them were clearly awestruck and excited by the activities going on.

After this there was a wax play demo, and this time we had a volunteer. Different aspects of wax play was covered – the importance of using the right kind of wax, the importance of height from which the hot wax is being dropped etc. The methodology of wax play (use of baby oil etc.) was also demonstrated.

Post the waxy session, we had a small rope play session, in which the basic safety issues related to knots and ropes were discussed. Due to unavailability of an expert bondage rigger, it was decided that some other workshop that would exclusively deal with ropes and knots should be organized.

Some other things that were discussed during the day were:

  • BDSM sessions should never be performed under the influence of In-toxicants including alcohol
  • The pros and cons of participating in BDSM sessions while in high levels of emotional state were also discussed. (If a dominant is angry over his/her submissive, it is not wise to play, on the other hand a session can turn out to be good and extremely alluring for submissive who was previously sad )
  • How the kink activism is a true reflection of the queer movement during its early days.
  • The legality of BDSM
  • Why kinksters use the word “Play”
  • The political incorrectness/correctness of fantasies (esp. Taboo Fantasies)
  • The relationship between Kink and Spirituality
  • The different definition of kinks (How kink is all pervasive; every-one is kinky, kink is converting fantasies into reality in a controlled environment)
  • The usage of some terminologies/ words were also questioned upon

    • Master - slave: these words can be considered offensive as they come with a dark historical baggage.
    • Rape play, race play etc

The part about Master slave terminology was discussed extensively.

A very interesting thing was discussed regarding this terminology. A lot of people said that these words inherently come with a very negative connotation and do we really need to own them. Why can't we just let such words be.. Sig, JW and TS tried explaining the difference between fantasy and reality. The fact that you can't really do race play or rape play if you are racist or a rapist. And that if we really believed in the historical negativity associated with these words, we wouldn't be using them.

One more interesting thing was that one person at the workshop asked whether kink is as important to us identity wise, that if we don't let the world know about our kink then our identity is dwarfed. JW replied to this saying that maybe the only thing that I am good at is flogging. I don't sing, don't read, am not good at work, don't do sports etc. The only thing that sets me apart from the ordinary is my kink, so yes it is that important to me..

It was interesting seeing first the shocked look and then the realization dawning on the face of that person, after hearing this answer.

Another thing was that if BDSM porn, like all other porn, was so hetero normative that it didn't represent BDSM correctly. In this Sig discussed how as kinksters we aren't really bothered with gender. We are more accepting of variations in gender then most people around us.

These discussions about the politics and usage of words were long and continued over the tea break.

At last it was time for feed-back. Most of the individuals present there were satisfied with the workshop. Some of the feedback comments are as follows:

  • The conversations and discussions were engaging, illuminating, incredible, fabulous, and intriguing
  • They are looking forward for more workshops.
  • The talking was more (less action)
  • Looking forward for some Play-shops

At last the Kinky collective thanked LABIA for all their support and cooperation, and with a promise of more such workshops, and play-shops in future the day came to an end.