By what name / handle / initial will you like to be referred to in the interview?
Glitter/ Gitterfuck31
When did you organize your first munch and in which city? (Approximate date/month/year will suffice)
April/2019 in Hyderabad, Telangana
Did you attend a munch before you organized it yourself and if not, what prompted you to take the initiative of organizing a munch?
Yes, I had gone abroad to study where I was fortunate enough to find a welcoming kink community that held regular munches and other social gatherings.
When I came back home, it was very very difficult to find potential partners that had any reliable references, and it just felt extremely dangerous to meet random strangers off the internet. I quickly realized that this was a common problem, and people were all really worried about meeting someone off a kink website.
I also noticed how there weren’t a lot of women around, and those who were active on fet did not want to meet because they were worried about privacy and safety. It was frustrating that people only wanted to interact with someone if they were interested in playing with the person and not to simply socialize and learn from each other. It felt important to have a safe space where kinksters could gather and relax and mingle in a non-play centric environment.
If you had attended a munch before please share your experience.
Apart from regular play parties to socialize they also held munches for the local kink community and then further smaller munches which were age specific, role specific, and for the queer folk. This was really good for a beginner like me to find friends and also learn from more experienced kinksters. And the most important thing was that there was a sense of community and safety since it was so tight-knit. It was very helpful to get word out about predators quite quickly and ensure people were playing as safely as possible due to ongoing and detailed irl discussions about various kinks.
How did you get in touch with people for attending the munch and how did you choose who all to invite?
After months of going “it is too much responsibility” the whole thing just kind of snowballed. First a discord server was setup as a more accessible place to interact by fellow kinksters, and from there, I figured I might as well meet a few people. The idea of a munch was thrown around and once a bit of interest was gathered, the location and date was just posted on discord and we had our first impromptu munch which was just me and one other guy at a local cafe.
We posted a few pictures to show we actually met up on the server, and seeing that people were actually willing to meet, the first official munch was set up a month later.
The first time was an all out invite, everyone that wanted to come were invited, no vetting, those that said were going got a dm on fet with the location, date, and time.
Post the first munch, we discussed security on the discord server and we decided to make it an invite only thing where people would have to be active on the server for a month before the next munch, and then I met each person in real, had a chat with them and then they’d get invited for the next munch if all went well in the meeting.
Tell us a little about your experience of the initial few munches. What were the hurdles/ challenges that you faced?
The first few munches were mostly awkward silences as we all didn’t really know each other and since we didn’t have any topic for discussion then, conversation would die down or we’d be unwilling to talk about kink.
Another thing was and still is a bit of a problem is the skewed gender ratio. The guys were really disappointed that there weren’t any women at the munch and so wouldn’t turn up for the munches anymore.
And since I wasn’t sure about what I was looking for in a person vetting wise, I used to do all the vetting myself which was a bit too much investment in terms of time and travel.
Did the munches change over time in terms of number of people, venue, age group, sex ratio, or any other way?
The biggest and the most important change is the fact that those who stuck around are now friends beyond kink, the numbers have declined due to the fact that people still want to only come mingle if they are able to find potential play partners. It’s been a year and there are now two women who attend the munches regularly which is an improvement from just me. But still a sausage fest and I’ve been told that it’s just the curve and to keep at it; hopefully things will get better gender ratio wise. The good news is that more queer folk are joining and our discussions have become more inclusive.
What are your favourite memories associated with the initial munches?
My favourite experience has been getting to know people beyond their kinks and fet profiles. And making new friends with who I can talk about both life and kink. Quite enriching.
Did you have any bad experience while organizing a munch?
The first munch had a guy that didn’t understand personal space and boundaries. He kind of made it weird for everyone.
And later on there was a bit of a tiff between two guys, and things were thrown around. The instigator was “suspended” and things between the guys were sorted out, but it was embarrassing for me and everyone else.
Anything else that you would like to share?
The whole journey from worrying about “coming out” to strangers, to having arguments with café owners on the day when they can’t give us a more secluded spot have been both exhausting and rewarding. Things all seem better when I see people laugh and joke about both weird stuff and the most mundane things over food and beer. And we always end up staying hours after the official munch time just chatting and catching up. Sometimes the turn out is frustrating, but the quality of people showing up has increased greatly and I think we’re making a real impact through community formation and kink education.
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