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07 May 2016

I am a hugely hugely claustrophobic woman. Just the idea of a closed space makes me very uneasy..

He has known about this fear of mine for a long time. I guess he was just looking for an opportunity to make me face my fear head on.And the opportunity came pretty soon.

During one of our sessions,we were in a hotel room. There was this large cupboard in that room which had a partition about midway, dividing it into an upper half and a lower half. The lower half was a bit smaller.
During the session he had put a hood on my face, which was as it is making me feel slightly claustrophobic. My hands were in bondage mittens.

Then he took me to the cupboard and asked me to crawl inside the lower half. Just before that I had pissed him off big time by being a brat and I wordlessly crawled inside the cupboard.
I was almost sure in my head that he won't lock me in. After all he knew how hugely claustrophobic I am..

I crawled in and sat down with my legs pressed to my chest.
He started closing the door.
"No please , I am sorry I won't ever misbehave again. Please I can't do this, I can't breath" I pleaded
"Legs inside" he said sternly.
I pulled my legs in.
He closed first one half and then tried closing the second half of the door.
I pushed the door with all my strength.
"No please I can't do this , I will die. I am sorry" I was panicking

He opened the door of the cupboard and got down on his knees.
"Relax, I am not punishing you. Nothing will happen to you" he said gently
I shook my head desperately and tears were filling my eyes..
He took off the hood from my face and looked into my terrified eyes.

"Relax. Face your fear. Giving up control doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger. Your submission makes you stronger. I am going to close one half of the door and then the second half. You will count to three and push open the door. If you don't open it, I will. The door cannot be locked from outside. Don't worry. Just relax" he said

His words were like magic. They soothed my soul.
He closed the doors and I counted till three and pushed them open.
There he was smiling down at me..
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone..

"Now I am again going to close the doors and you can open them whenever you want . Even if you stay in for 5 seconds you conquer your fear and become stronger. As soon as you want to, just push open the door" he said

"What if I die " I said in a small voice
"You won't" he said
"I will count till 100 and then push the door open " I said
"Open it whenever you want " he smiled down at me.

I adjusted my body comfortably in the cupboard and he closed the doors.
I rested my head on my arms. I haven't ever felt so peaceful before. I didn't even bother counting. I knew nothing would happen to me.

In a small voice I whispered "I know you will take care of me. I know I am not going to die . I am perfectly fine"
I closed my eyes and a smile spread across my lips :)

After a few minutes he opened the door.
I looked at him and smiled.
"I counted till 100 and you still didn't push open the door" he teased me with a proud smile on his face
Tears filled my eyes. He had actually bothered counting...
I got out of the cupboard and landed in his arms. He hugged me tightly.

"Thank you " I whispered
I had nothing more to say to him.
I knew he understood all I wanted to say, without my having to ever say it..

"Thank you"