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Kink and Friendship


05 Mar 2016

Friendship, as I understand, is a state of mutual trust and support.

It may mean different things to different people, but for me, it was always about being myself with people I call friends. It was a relationship devoid of pretense .

But strangely most friends I had at an early age did not come into this category..

These were people I knew in school, people i work with , people whom I came across in social and family circles or would otherwise meet .

The reason I couldn’t really be friends with them was, that there was a part of me I always kept hidden.

Let me tell you something about myself.

I am from a very conservative family and grew up in a small town in India. I always knew that I didn't belong to that town as my ambitions and my desires, my needs, has to be fulfilled and it was not possible in that town.

My sexual desires may not be what certain people called normal and I could not share it with my so called friends as I thought they would consider me weird .

I did try and it back fired. They thought I was weird, stupid, perverted and not even a man. I am just some weirdo walking on earth .

Surprisingly a woman in my hometown introduced me to the world of Kink. She was a regular housewife, and with her for the first time I got to know what I actually needed and wanted. It went on for a good amount of time till I moved out of that place because of other reasons.

Being good at social skills I never found it difficult talking to people and making acquaintances . There were people around and yet I felt alone all the time.

I jumped from one city to another but still the feeling was always the same. There were some deep rooted desires which I tried to curb and then one day I found internet and I found out that I am not alone. There were people like me all over the world and suddenly from being alone, I found a family. This was the first time I could unmask myself.

I met people who were not bothered about my looks, my caste, my religion, my social status and family background, my financial standing, they were just interested in my thoughts and in me. They made me realize that I am normal and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I want . I would never have met these people otherwise, because other than kink we were a very diverse lot. But despite out diversity our kink gave us a common ground.

We were more accepting and accommodating of irregularities from what we call normal and with this started my journey into friendship.

I always say that the best thing kink provided me with is friends.

I have found people who genuinely care about me. My well being is a priority for them. There was a time in my life when I was going through a very bad phase financially and mentally. All my so called friends and my family literally gave up on me.

My school friends stopped taking my calls and my family declared me as the black sheep of the family. Once the star and role model among friends and family but now an untouchable.

At that time , the friends from kink community who didn’t even know my full name, stood like a rock besides me . They advised me to get counseling and they even looked for counselors for me.

Till the time I didn’t start counseling they would hound me, and for the first few sessions, they used to go with me, wait for an hour and then ask how the counseling was.

They gave me a roof to stay, food to eat and what not .

One friend of mine, who lives in a different city and is from the Kink community, used to call me every second day to
inquire how I was and just to show that there are people who care about me.

No matter how busy he was, he made sure that the call happened.

Later I found out that he used to set up alarms in his phone so that he doesn't forget to call. :)

When I was going through a bad phase in my marriage, again my relatives simply said this marriage is not going to work.
They didn’t know I have an amazing support system which is better than Spartans.

The musketeers, One for all, All for one.

Again these friends held my hand, talked to both my spouse and me and literally counseled us.
The best times of my life are the times I spent with these friends, the laughter, the jokes, the banter.
The literal joy of a company that understood me, that showed me the value of myself, showed me that I am a worthy
individual, that I am important, that I deserve to be loved.

I can only talk about what I am getting and how I am feeling.

My friends from the Kink community actually made me feel worthy, they polished my skills in so many ways.
Today I am confident man because they trusted me and showed confidence when nobody did.
I conclude with two thing.

One is that because of these friends I met my wife, who builds me up every day, who is one of the best support system to me and a great friend.

And the second that I hope I can also be a great friend to other people and handhold them, like my friends did for me..