It does happen. People meet each other, and sometimes they even like each other very much! You CAN meet a real person from an online site. Sure, I have had my share of FRUSTRATING online experiences, even as a femdom. But the good news is I have also met some pretty wonderful people. These folks have turned out to be friends, acquaintances, play partners and lovers. Even though there are many more discouraging and annoying online interactions, I am encouraged by the lovely people I have actually met. In this entry, I would like to concentrate on the positive tips about how we can meet others, and less about the frustrations of trying and failing.
#1. GO to a munch. A munch is a meeting set up by kinksters (hopefully with some experience, but we all have to start somewhere) in a safe public place where people tend to gather to meet and talk. Coffee shops, shopping malls, parks, places where people can sit, talk and eat etc. IN PUBLIC. You won’t be talking about kink much and not loudly, you will just be meeting other people and getting a feel for their human qualities. Usually, after the initial nervousness, it’s very comfortable. I told the waiters in one coffee shop that we were an investment club! I have met some very dear friends and play partners at munches. Take the plunge, go to a munch. People wear regular clothes and don’t advertise the purpose of the gathering. They order drinks (including non alcoholic like coffee or chai) and they talk. Usually people end up laughing and having some fun. Yes sometimes it is boring or awkward for a little while, but so is the rest of life- and that awkwardness passes.
#2. Or you can agree to meet in a coffee shop at a market or similar place early on maybe after a short period of messaging online, don’t spend too much time online chatting, chatting etc. I think it is better to meet sooner rather than later, because you start to form more imaginary ideas that are less likely to be related to reality. I have met some pretty wonderful people in Cafe Coffee Day etc. You can have an appointment or something scheduled for one hour after your meet up, so you have to cut it off. You can also call a close friend and tell them where you are going that you are meeting an acquaintance, and that you will call them afterwards. Then follow through. Generally, your first meeting should be short and have an end so you can go home and think about it. Probably don’t give out your phone number before meeting and maybe not even at the first meeting. Now a little caveat: This may be easier for me as a domme, and I don’t want to make assumptions here about what would work or be safe for others, especially women. I have experienced that men can often do the “hard sell” and by that I mean very intense, pushing and attempts at persuasion and manipulation. That is an intense turn off. Maybe men do that because it can be so hard to meet people, yet this maybe why it is sometimes harder for a woman to want to reveal herself until she feels more trust. So, I acknowledge that it can be hard to meet people.
This leads to why I wrote this thread – I was sort of responding to another thread in which someone wants to meet “real dommes” and sort of referred to women as bitches. I don’t agree with that and I don’t like stereotyping women or calling people bitches. Just don’t do it. Yes, there are reasons why a lot of people are fed up and frustrated with how online communications go. Plus, there are fakes and scammers and people who are predators and those who want to make money, and also people who lack communication skills. We can whine, rant or complain or not, but in the end, we just have to get over it and learn how to weed out the undesireables. This goes back to why munches can be a good beginning; they have a slight advantage in that community can supply a slight safety net. It is not perfectly protective, but it can weed out some of the more obnoxious elements who want to remain hidden.
#3. Yes – Be polite and human online. Whatever you think is going on on the other end of your message is mostly in your imagination until you know more. Politeness and kindness are always good ways to start, but that doesn’t mean complete openness and trust, and probably shouldn’t mean jumping into intense sexual fantasies either. A person may not even be the gender they claim to be, or they may be a wonderful future friend, but bad at writing messages. Another thing- just because I am a woman on an adult social networking site does not mean I will do anything with anyone, first come first serve. Or that I am obligated to answer an email from a stranger, especially if it’s rude, boring or inappropriate. If you actually want to meet someone, and this is somewhat more directed to men, be a polite human being, please. And then under that initial layer of politeness which anyone should be able to muster up, be a bit of a good person who actually gives a shit about other people, like women. So the lead in with …” I want you to do this to me, or I want to do this to you…” is not appealing. You will most likely be ignored. What about imagining a pleasurable and not always sexual thing you could OFFER TO DO FOR a woman?
Also, Pictures of your cock, however wonderful you think it is, are not generally appealing. I will let you know much later if I want to see your cock. READ: I personally don’t want to see photos of your cock.
Even if I were a submissive woman, I have dignity, if I give you my submission it will be a gift you earn. You need to merit it by being a worthwhile person. One of the best things you can do is actually read my profile, respond to the things I care about and mean it. Now this is easier for me as a domme, because I can tell you what to do. But I am especially pleased when I stumble upon a well mannered, considerate man, because I have better things to do than train someone to be barely civil. So ultimately, especially for men, look at yourself in the mirror and examine your behavior.
Ask yourself, would a woman you want to meet, want to meet YOU?
I know, I know, it’s a lot of work, and yes your mother loves you very much. (I do sincerely hope so). But what would it take to become more lovable to a woman who is not your mother, who has no obligation to you?
If you can begin to imagine in this way, to step outside of yourself and imagine what a healthy woman might want in a friend or partner, then maybe you can write that email to the human being on the other side of that online profile.
If not, there is always porn to watch.
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