When I initially came to know about BDSM, and was fascinated by the concept of domination and submission, I thought that Doms are always meant to be real serious and submissives should always be cowering and in awe of their Doms. That was the impression I got after interacting with many so-called Doms and subs. In fact, I used to have this particular fantasy scene in my head where the Dom was sitting on a high back regal looking chair fully clothed in leather,a bull whip in his hand with the submissive naked and kneeling at his feet, never speaking unless spoken to and pretending as if she does not exist, and the slightest infraction would be met with severe punishment in the form of painful whippings from her Dom leaving angry red welts on her skin and her being reduced to a crying, whimpering mess on the floor without any strength left in her. She fears him greatly and she exists to serve her Dom’s every wish and whim, sexual and otherwise. He humiliates her and has his way with her in every way he wishes to, leaving her with no privacy or dignity. Her desires and her needs are not important. I genuinely thought that this is how a D/s* relationship would be. All serious and the submissive shivering at his feet and him imposing his wishes on her, irrespective of whether she wants to do something or not.
But the reality is so very different.
And this, I understood when I met HIM…
There are so many memories I have with Him that I think of fondly and smile…and not even one of them is linked to fear…
I don’t remember anytime where I shivered with fear kneeling at His feet, but what I do remember is how His fingers felt in my curls while I knelt at His feet with my head on his lap, and how my entire soul responded with bliss to it as I sighed in contentment.
I don’t remember Him leaving any angry red welts on my skin and making me cry because He is displeased, but what I do remember is me sitting on His lap, Him staring into my eyes playfully with his twinkling ones, me silently challenging Him to make me cry out in pain, while he flogged my breasts, the dance of two pairs of naughty eyes, silently staring and challenging each other, neither pair the first one to give up….and the next day both of us thrilled at the blue bruises on my breasts and me jumping and giggling away to glory while He smiled at me indulgently and took photos of my bruised breasts.
I don’t remember Him ever pushing His will on me and forcing me to do what He wanted and making me miserable….but what I do remember is His loving care…especially that day…how I had been unable to sleep as I had been crying the whole night, upset at something unrelated to Him and had a head splitting migraine attack. I had an important presentation that afternoon which I wanted to skip as I felt so shattered. I turned up at His place that morning a real mess, with a swollen face, teary eyes and a broken soul. He took control, soothed my pain with His calm voice and presence, kissed me on my forehead, covered me with a soft blanket and put me to sleep, the whole time caressing me. I woke up refreshed and smiling, ready for the presentation.
I don’t remember anytime where He humiliated me or made me feel violated…but what I do remember is Him giving me a space where there was such tremendous trust and comfort levels that nothing He did to me made me feel humiliated…or violated…and me voluntarily let go of my limits because when I am with Him, limits do not feel like limits, and there is no fear.
I don’t remember anytime that I felt Him intruding into my privacy or dignity…..but what I do remember is me willingly giving up my privacy in all areas, as not having privacy with him never felt like him intruding into my life, but felt like he is entering my life in depth, becoming more close to me….I trust Him so much that I don’t need to have walls of any kind with Him…
I don’t remember any fear, force, shouting, demeaning, humiliation, threats or violation …..all I remember is the trust and devotion, the kind of trust and devotion that becomes more intense and reaches new depths with each conversation and every interaction, I remember His care, the soft but steady pushing of limits, the fun, the laughter, the bonding….the give and take …the exploration….and the letting go…
Maybe dominance and submission is not meant to be so harsh, rigid, stringent, violent or serious after all…I think all these are so overrated.
I feel that it exists more in the softer and finer moments and feelings of life…a caress…a kind word…a smile….a look …a laugh…in trust, in devotion…in respect…in bonding…in understanding… in surrender….all very gentle and subtle…but more powerful than any force, any pain or any humiliation…and it is these aspects which make me want to kneel at His feet.
I told Him the following words this morning:
Yours is the kind of control that does not feel restrictive – the way a cage feels to a wild bird – helpless and claustrophobic …
Yours is the kind of control that is nurturing and healing, thus enabling me to spread my wings, dream and soar even higher….empowering…
That’s the way I feel.
And yes, I love it 🙂
I kneel at His feet not because I fear Him. I kneel at His feet because I trust and respect Him so much that I can’t help but want to kneel and surrender to Him….
*D/s : Domination/submission
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